It's a Rogue's Life
by ThEmAnIntheClOseT
Summary: Self-Insert story that depicts the adventures of the titular assassin, David, as he struggles to find a place with the Shepherds. As he fights, he must earn the trust of the disapproving Frederick and struggle with his sister Robin's amnesia. Rated T for typical stuff and ChromXFeMU! supports. ;)


_Hello, Everyone, and welcome to the GRAND opening of my **SECOND** fanfiction, It's a Rogue's Life! It's great to be here and I'm glad you're reading this. I feel very confident in this work because I spent a ton of time on it, but if you do notice ANY mistakes at all, drop me a PM or a review!_

 _Tonight I'm going to "treat" you with the epic saga of a man trying to prove himself. Our titular rogue, David, is a snarky, sarcastic guy that I like to think bears a strong resemblance to myself while being much cooler. On his adventures, he's going to A) Find romance, B) Attempt to earn acceptance from Frederick, and C) be a total badass!_

 _As you read this story, please be considerate and remember that I am not a professional writer and that I do have feelings. If you like the story, found an error, or just want to talk, write a review! All criticisms are taken into account and all constructive criticisms are appreciated. Once again, thanks for reading._

* * *

David lay in the grass waiting for the band of brigands to pass by and adjusted one of his forearm bracers. With great difficulty, he yanked one of the spikes out of the bush he was hiding in and pulled up his cloak. He signaled once again to his sister, Robin, just to make sure she was okay and that she knew the plan.

Scratch that, Robin knew the plan. She came up with it. Although for some inexplicable reason, his older sister had lost all her memories three nights ago, she was still as sharp as when she remembered everything. Fortunately, David was able to remind her of her name, his name, and what they were doing. He shuddered in fear for his sister as he pondered what might have come of her if he hadn't been there.

Another rustle of grass and a high, girlish scream brought David back to his senses. _Oh, so they captured a girl? Bonus for me!_ David smiled as he remembered the deal that he had made with the villagers of Southtown.

Their terms had been clear, he and his sister, the mercenaries, would go and eradicate the band of brigands lurking in the area. Then they would return back to the town, be hailed as heroes, and continue on their way as professional vigilantes. It was a good fit for them. David, who was naturally quick and incredibly sneaky, would hide in the shadows and Robin, who was incredibly cunning and a wonderful actress, would lie on the ground as bait and pretend to be a helpless and sleeping bystander.

And then, the two were both amazingly good fighters. By themselves and with the element of surprise, David and Robin were easily capable of slaughtering whole companies of brigands. Of course, bandits and thieves typically didn't have the luxury of a wonderful combat trainer that David and Robin had.

"Please, Chrom! Can we take a break?" That high and girlish voice was crying out desperately again. Obviously the brigands were exhausting the poor girl and she wanted to rest.

"We should press on, Milord. At this pace we will reach Southtown in a half an hour and then we can no doubt rest at the inn." David's ears pricked up and he turned to Robin to see her face light up in alarm. If these brigands made it to Southtown, they would never get paid. Of course countless people would die too, but still, a man has to have priorities. _That settles it_ , David thought. _These brigands are going down_.

"Omigod! Is that a person collapsed on the road?"

"Stay here," another voice called. This one was strong, male, and authoritative; the leader. "I'm going to investigate." Leather boots crunched against soil as the blue-haired brigand strode towards David's sister. David readied his weapons and prepared to jump.

"Take caution, Milord. This could be a trap."

"But we can't just leave her here!" _Oh, she's naïve_ and _thoughtful_ , "Please, Chrom, we have to do SOMETHING." the little girl pleaded. David would have to get her out of the way before the fighting began.

"Well what do you propose we do?" the leader asked sarcastically.

"I—I don't know!"

Both the man and the girl jumped visibly in shock as Robin's eyes fluttered open. From a few feet away, David spotted another man all in armor ready a big and long lance.

"I see you're awake now," the leader began.

"Hey there!"

"There are better places to take a nap than on the grou—Agh!"

"Hiyaah!" David leapt out of his hiding bush and dove straight for the leader. As he landed, he rolled and simultaneously pushed the little girl out of the way while dodging behind the blue-haired brigand's back and bringing his dagger to his throat.

"Milord!" the armored one called. He began charging at David and Robin with an unbelievable speed in armor. Without missing a beat, the knight began to thrust at David in a brave but foolish attempt to save his leader. Sighing with contempt, David merely placed the leader in between himself and the lance and smiled as the knight pulled away to avoid impaling his master. Suddenly he was blasted off of his feet by a bolt of magic cast by Robin. She quickly got up from her place on the ground and prepared another lightning bolt. This one aimed at the knight's head.

David beamed a cocky smile to the two men. That had gone _much_ better than expected. "Good morning! As you can see, we're mercenaries hired by the village folk here to take you brigands back to Southtown. There you'll be tried and most likely executed while I try to figure out a way to return this girl—"David gestured to the girl he had pushed over,"—to her family. Just relax. We're not here to hurt you. We're just vigilantes trying to quell a brigand problem."

The brown-haired knight glared furiously at David. "You dare accu—"

"Peace, Frederick," the leader spoke up. Until then, he had remained entirely quiet and calm and hadn't bothered to draw his sword, which David found particularly unsettling. "It seems we've been caught in a tiny little misunderstanding. You see, I'm Prince Chrom of the halidom of Ylisse, this is my younger sister, Lissa," the little girl waved," and this is my most loyal knight, Frederick."

Realization slowly dawned on David's face as he realized his blunder.

"Incidentally, we, the Shepherds came here to lay waste to some brigands ourselves. We weren't counting on having company, but you're welcome to join us." At this, David's, Robin's, and Frederick's jaws dropped collectively.

At first, David was tempted to call this "Chrom's" bluff, but then he realized that 1) the girl on the ground wasn't even tied up and 2) Chrom had a large birthmark on his bare right shoulder that looked suspiciously like the Ylissean brand. "I… I didn't realize you cared so much about the people to fight for them. Forgive my mistake, Milord. I am sorry."

Slowly and cautiously, David moved his knife away from the noble's throat and moved to help the knight and Lady Lissa up from their places on the ground. Not surprisingly, the latter was the only one to accept while the former glared maliciously at the man who almost killed his prince.

Robin, who was still in shock, began rambling like a mad woman and apologizing profusely. "Milord I am so sorry! I—We had no idea! It was never our intention to—"

"—it's quite alright." Chrom cut her off. "Frankly I'm a bit embarrassed that I was so easily disabled! Might I have your names?"

"Robin, sir."

"David, Milord."

"Well then," Chrom began, "David, Robin, we were just headed back to town to grab something for a midday meal. Lissa's getting a bit hungry and she tends to get disagreeable when she hasn't eaten all morning. Would you care to join us?"

"Milord! These people cannot be trusted!"

David took one look at Robin and knew that they had already come to a decision.

"We would be honored."

"Excellent."

* * *

While strolling easily to Southtown, Lissa and David attempted to keep the mood light while Frederick glowered over them, obviously disapproving of his lordship's new companions. Meanwhile, Robin and Chrom held up the rear and studied each other intently.

"So David, Robin, what do you do for a living?" Chrom asked politely.

"We're mercenaries," David answered. "Recently we've had a lot of business since the brigands keep crossing over from Plegia, but we weren't expecting to compete with royals!" Chrom and Lissa laughed lightly while Frederick glared as icily as ever. Did anything faze that man?

David didn't have much time to think that over because at that moment Lissa began pestering him with questions. "How did you meet?"

"Oh, we're brother and sister."

"Do you have any family?"

"Nope. Just each other."

"When are your birthdays?"

"June 15th," David answered.

Robin only shook her head. "I can't remember."

"Oh," David began, "you'll have to excuse her. Three nights ago she lost all her memories. Family, friends, even me. Fortunately, I was able to remind her of lots of stuff."

From his spot in the back, Frederick could be heard huffing. "An amnesiac and an assassin? Likely story."

"So, um, where do you guys come from?" Lissa asked. David supposed that was a natural question. He was a dark, mysterious, and enigmatic rogue after all.

"We actually hail from Plegia, if you can believe it, but we moved some time in our childhoods to Chon'sin, a province in Valm." David watched as Lissa and Chrom's faces lighted up in interest while Frederick frowned. "Incidentally, we both trained for combat there under a man named Yen—"

"Omigod! Look! The town!"

"Damn it! No doubt those blasted brigands."

"Welp, there goes my paycheck." Somehow, only Lissa seemed to understand that he was joking to lighten the mood while Chrom could only stare and bewilderment and Frederick glowered down even more as he interpreted the statement as a sign of apathy for death and destruction.

"Never mind!" Chrom yelled. "Shepherds, we're moving in to help the people." He turned to David and Robin, "You're welcome to come and help us if you want—"

"Let's go already!" Without doubt and seemingly without fear, Lissa charged straight for the inferno that was the village. Interestingly, she allowed Frederick to pick her up onto his horse while Frederick glared back at David in a gloating way.

Without looking, he could already understand what Robin was about to say.

"No," David said to his sister. He averted his gaze to avoid being subjected to her big, brown, puppy eyes that would convince him to let her go.

"No," he said again, this time much more insistently. "We barely know these people and we almost killed their prince. For all we know, they might just charge us with treason after we help them drive off these brigands."

"If we don't help them, we'll never get paid. Plus they might die. What would this country do if it lost a prince and a princess to a few brigands?"

"I'm sure they can handle themselves."

"Fine! Forget you, I'm going myself."

David blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I'm going to help them. Alone if I have to."

"You're going to die."

"Whatever! I've lived far too long anyways!"

David looked grudgingly one more time at his sister, who was already closing in on a brigand and began sprinting towards the fiery inferno.

* * *

"Gragh!"

"Hiyaah!"

"Urgh!"

Chrom turned away as his first opponent collapsed and he blocked an ax stroke from behind. He quickly and easily swung the heavy Falchion up to shear off the handle and then plunged the tip deep into the bandit's belly.

Turning slowly in a circle, he could already see that the bandit situation was out of control. With just him and Frederick fighting, the Shepherds were easily outnumbered five to one. Of course they had Lissa too, but if these brigands were even halfway decent, there would be a lot of healing to do.

"CHROM! Frederick! Help me!" A startled cry to his left brought Chrom back to his senses. He angrily settled his gaze on a whole group of brigands closing in on his little sister. Chrom ran at blistering speeds, but at this rate he'd be unable to reach his cornered sister in time.

"Heh heh heh," the bandit leader, Garrick, towered over Lissa standing at an improbable seven feet tall. "Ya better hand over all your coin now, girly, less you want to lose that pretty head of yours."

"From faraway, Chrom and Frederick yelled battle cries, but Garrick only waved them off. They would never reach him in time to save her.

"Hiyaah!" Out of the shadows, a flying dagger sailed through the air and impaled Garrick in the forehead, killing him instantly. To the side, bolts of lightning skewered three more men and a dark, hooded figure slit the last one's throat.

As the dust settled, it became increasingly more apparent that David and Robin had returned, much to Frederick's distaste.

"David! Robin! You came back! You saved me!" Lissa was ecstatic after so nearly losing her face to a group of brigands. It still came as a surprise, however, when she vaulted into David and gave him a bear hug.

"OOf! Uh… No problem, Lissa. You made a wonderful distraction. I just saved those men from what would have been a slow and painful death from your staff."

Chrom clambered over to David and Robin and patted each of them slowly on the back. "Well in any case, you too are those men's heroes. Who knows the horror Lissa would have unleashed upon them? Anyways, looks like the rest of the bandits are fleeing. We should get a move on back to the capitol."

Lissa, as exhausted as she was, argued vehemently against what she saw to be a terrible idea. "But Chrom! It's already almost dark and we still haven't eaten anything. Can't we stay in town and march tomorrow?"

Chrom considered the idea, but quickly shook his head. "No, the inn burned down with the fire and these people probably don't have enough food to go around as it is. As soon as we get to the capitol we can send relief back here. C'mon. We five will move quickly and when night falls, we'll hunt and sleep on twigs."

"We?" David asked. "Five?"

"Yes," Chrom said, "five. You're still welcome to join us. I'm putting together an elite team of fighters to serve as a sort of mobile police force, and I think that you too would be wonderful additions to the team."

Chrom saw them waver and felt that he was losing the deal. "Also, we pay you, feed you, and have a barracks." Naturally, that cinched the deal because all great jobs pay in food.

With one look, David and Robin had a mental connection that came from spending much too much time with each other. Unanimously and in perfect synchronization, the two answered immediately. "Count us five."

* * *

Ironically, David and Robin left their hard and do-it-yourself life to live with a prince and princess only to be thrust into a do-it-for-your-country life as police. The result, a long and boring slog back to the city of Ylisstol and a night of sleeping on twigs and dirt. They had been through worse of course, but it was still uncomfortable.

"—and then the mage said, 'Hex it yourself!'" Lissa and the entire company burst out into laughter as she finished the punchline of her joke.

To be honest, Chrom didn't actually think she was funny at all, but pretended to laugh anyway because he was her brother. _That's a big part of being royalty and of diplomacy anyway_ , he thought. _Lying to spare someone's feelings is a valuable talent indeed._

As he thought, he couldn't help but notice that neither Lissa nor Frederick had touched their bear meat that he had skewered for them. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you two not hungry?"

Lissa's expression quickly morphed into distaste while Frederick nodded his head up and down violently.

"Honestly, Brother, why couldn't you just spear us an animal normal people eat for once?" Lissa complained. "Come on. Only weird people eat bear."

Chrom could only laugh. "Haha! Perhaps you should give it to David and Robin then. They're certainly weird enough." He gestured to two obscure figures hunched over large slabs of meat. If he had to guess, he would have conjectured that the two hadn't eaten properly in days.

For once, instead of glaring, Frederick stared at David in bewilderment and disgust that David thought was totally unwarranted. Just what did that knight have against him anyway?

"Oh well," Chrom said again. "I think I'm going to turn in. Good night everyone." Without any more words, the blue-haired prince turned his cape over as a blanket and lay down on his plush mattress of sticks.

* * *

Later that night, David woke to a loud rustling and a cold and sharp object at his throat. He opened his eyes and was immediately treated to a flaming forest and raining meteors as well as an especially glum looking Frederick looking at him down his long, silver lance. To his side, he saw his sister, tied up and gagged and trying to break free of her bonds. In retrospect, David probably should have treated the scene with much more care, but at the moment all that he could do was roll his eyes.

"Where are the prince and princess?" Frederick asked coldly.

David only sighed. It was far too early in the morning for a confrontation. "'The hell should I know?"

Frederick pushed his lance just a bit further into David's throat, almost enough to draw blood. "I will not ask again," he said and through gritted teeth, he continued. "Where are they?"

As he tried to deny Frederick again, David was cut off by Robin hopping up and down and trying to get Frederick's attention. Through the smoke, David spotted behind Frederick a dark, lumbering, and vaguely humanoid shape wielding a large axe. It began walking closer, and as it did David could see that it _was_ in fact, a human, but that it breathed a dark, black fog and was apparently long dead.

To his credit, Frederick reacted incredibly quickly for a man in his heavy armor. Without missing a beat, the great knight spun around in a circle, spotted his new adversary, and plunged his lance deep into the reanimated corpse. Then, he seemed to come to the conclusion that perhaps David and Robin were not behind Chrom and Lissa's disappearance, and with one stroke, sliced Robin's bonds in two and pointed his lance again at David, blunt end first, to help the assassin up.

"Thanks," David said. Perhaps this knight wasn't so bad. He could be thick at times, but at least he's intelligent and mostly reasonable.

"Think nothing of it," Frederick replied. At the same time, he seemed to partially realize that David could (gasp) be trusted. Of course, Frederick didn't think he'd ever strike up much a friendship with this cheeky, snarky, sarcastic, rogue; but still. At least they weren't enemies anymore; just rivals. "We should find Prince Chrom and Lady Lissa."

David was about to lament the fact that they were in a dark forest at night and had no idea of where to go when he heard a sharp, high-pitched scream to his left. He didn't even bother looking at Robin or Frederick this time because it was pretty obvious that they were all thinking the same thing. As a group, the three sprinted into the forest in the direction of the voice.

* * *

Chrom dodged the first zombie's axe and used its momentum to slice it clean in half, right at the waist. He gasped in surprise, however, when he didn't hear it hit the ground. In his peripheral vision, he saw a large, metal object come flying at his face and he raised Falchion just in time to block it. With great effort, he kicked the zombie over and stabbed down into its abdomen. Finally, the long-dead corpse re-died, but instead of leaving a body, evaporated in a dark, purple fog, leaving Chrom nothing to remember his handiwork by.

In the distance, Chrom spotted Sully, another one his knights in the Shepherds, coming towards him to reinforce his position. Following behind her seemed to be a rather thin and wiry man with light blue hair and a bow. The man was obviously of lordly lineage based on his outlandish appearance and "regal" posture, and sported a fancy caveat. From that far away, however, it appeared as if the noble was wearing a bib. Fortunately the man wasn't as incompetent as he looked, because he could fight, as evidenced by the bow in his hands and the many arrows sprouting from the zombies that charged him.

Yet another high and girlish scream to his left brought Chrom's attention back to Lissa. _That's got to be her third scream today_ , he thought. Then he realized he was too far away to help her _again_. _I could always throw Falchion_ , he thought, but shook his head when he realized that would have left him unarmed. He'd have to get David to show him how to throw knives. Before he could even react, a dark and masked figure jumped out of the large blue portal in the sky and dove in between Lissa and the zombie… only for the corpse to collapse with a knife in its forehead.

The masked man quickly straightened up and assumed an air of regal calm. Chrom, who had only just arrived at the scene, breathed a sigh of relief as he spotted David, Robin, and Frederick appear out of the woods. Quickly and rather brusquely, the man introduced himself as "Marth" and warned the party that their world was just about to metaphorically explode, and that they better be prepared. With that, he gathered his cloak up and walked away as mysteriously as he appeared.

"Well that was weird," David stated bluntly. Beside him, Robin, Chrom, and Sully couldn't help chuckling at the bizarre situation they were in. "Who was that masked guy? Have you guys ever seen him before?"

Chrom could only shake his head. That man was just as much of an enigma to him as he was to David. "He goes by the name of the Hero-King, Marth, one of our ancestors, but unless he traveled through time, there's no way he's the same person."

"Well he certainly fights like a legend..." Lissa was still staring in the direction of the mysterious figure while David and Frederick observed with poorly masked jealously.

Robin only sighed to herself, lost in thoughts. "Time travel, huh? Well we are in a world filled with magic and mystery."

Suddenly not sleepy anymore, the group of six shepherds, and the neon-headed noble who had introduced himself as Virion, continued on their march to Ylisstol, taking care not to make any more stops that night.

* * *

 ** _A/N_**

And so ends the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed reading it because I enjoyed writing it. 

Like I said before, if you like this story, found an error, or just feel like talking, drop a review or send me a PM!

All criticisms are taken into account and all constructive criticisms are appreciated.


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